||[Dec. 25th, 2007|10:03 am]
Cable x Deadpool
Aaaand yet more Scenes from an AU by lainey_chan and myself.|
We're going to run out of material to spam y'all with eventually.
Scenes from an AU: Meeting The Parents edition
Rating: Y'ordinary PG-13.
Pairing: Cable/Deadpool with your basic Scott/Emma thrown in.
Summary: ... Crack.
Babysitting for Dummies
There was a baby in the X-Mansion. Correction, there were two babies in the X-Mansion.
And a mercenary carrying a diaper bag.
Needless to say, the X-Men were a wee bit confused. Most of them were gathering around the two baby girls, even Emma. Though Scott was certain she was psi-scanning them and not cooing over how adorable they were.
"-and you know how he gets when his stupid island is attacked. Though this should be a pretty fun crossover with those cosmic folks. I always did want to meet that hottie Quasar and-"
Deadpool was still talking.
Scott had not actually paid attention to what he was saying beyond the fact that Nathan was missing. He was busy trying very hard not to put things together as he looked at the girls.
"-ary. Someday I want a Skrull to replace me too. Then maybe they'll let me join The Avengers. Though, I think Wanda has to kill me to stay a member, which I'm not really cool wi-"
Like how the girls were the ones from that disturbance with the Phoenix force. Or that Deadpool had suddenly taken up with his son again after they disappeared with the kids.
"-en Irene had to go and get into a coma because of the attack and Weasel went all fetal position last time I asked him to babysit. He's such a wuss about kids. Just because I threatened to disembowel him once for not holding Jean's neck properly-"
Or the fact that one of the girls was named Jean. And they looked just like Nathan did when he was that age.
Nope, not thinking about it at all.
"-o what I'm getting at here, is... What was I getting at again?" Deadpool asked himself, finally drawing Scott's attention away from the children. "Oh! Right! Will you guys babysit them so I can go bitch smack Nate into not being such a suicidal moron? I mean, sure you were kinda crappy as a dad, but being a grandfather can't be too hard, can it?"
Scott just stared. "Grandfather?" He had been doing well at ignoring certain things before this.
Deadpool just rolled his eyes, pushing the large diaper bag at him. "Yes, it's all a very long and involved story about bodysliding and Stryfe being an asshole and I really need to go save Nate from himself now. Bodyslide by two!"
He was gone in a flash of light, leaving Scott to stare down at the bag in his hands. Only one question floating around in his mind about the parentage of the little girls. "Why didn't he tell me?"
Emma facepalmed and wondered if Jean died just to get away from that.
Intervening In Indecent Matters
"I don't need an intervention."
Nate eyed his father over the rim of a cup of Irene's latest coffee experiment. He was wondering how to dispose of it without insulting her brewing skills, even if she was, for all intents and purposes, horrible at coffee.
"Think about what you're doing to yourself," was Scott's terse reply, backed by a hand on his shoulder which perfectly communicated Emma's complete lack of caring. "Do you really think this is going to improve your life in the long run?"
The pause he got in return was truly epic in its simplicity. "You tried to kill me last month," Nate pointed out.
Scott had the decency to look embarrassed. "...We talked about that."
"Don't worry about it. If I discriminated on those grounds, I wouldn't have any friends." Nate placed the coffee gently down on the desk, where hopefully it would cool enough that he could let Irene down gently. "But I don't need an intervention. I am fine. I know what I'm doing."
"You have children with him!" Scott was surprised by the vehemence of the statement. Even as he was making it.
"That's another matter entirely."
Nathan had always been aggravating. Even as a child. "Can we move on?" Emma asked, boredly. "I don't see the point of--"
"The point," Scott said, folding his hands together, "The point is." He paused meaningfully, "The point is, you're sleeping with Deadpool."
"Well," Nate said, entirely unperturbed, "Yes."
"And you don't think there's anything strange about that?"
"I live on an island made of scrap metal amongst people who call themselves my followers while I'm trying to use my mutant powers and my mind to shape another future under a constant barrage of metahuman invasions," Nate surmised. "'Strange' is the least of my worries."
Scott rubbed his forehead. It was eerily reminiscent of his own son. Emma wandered off to go do something else. "Is there anything I can do to get you to rethink this?"
Nate smirked at him, infuriatingly calm. "No."
A beat passed. Then another. Then a third. "I'm going to call Logan," Scott decided.
"You do that."
Walking into Nate's private bar, Emma muttered a few choice things about Summerses, then proceeded to get roaringly drunk.