||[Dec. 26th, 2007|12:56 pm]
Cable x Deadpool
likeadeuce mentioned wanting more Deadpool in Messiah CompleX (and I am so totally on that it's just silly, even if Cable is kicking so much ass in that crossover it has me gleeing far more than I probably should), which made me recall a crack ficlet I wrote several weeks ago.|
Spoilers for Messiah CompleX, warning for crack.
A Messiah, A Mercenary and a Baby Walk Into Alaska
Rating: ... eris help me, I have no idea. PG-13? R for mentions? I'll go with that.
Pairing: Cable/Deadpool, but only for great crack glory.
Footsteps thudded through Alaska. Heavy boots smashing their rhythm into the wet ground. A swing, a drop, the cry of a baby-- Cable landed with the quietest noise. "Be quiet," he told the baby, feet losing ground to water. Splashing now, the quiet moving of trees in the wind.
"See, Nate, I know you've got to have parenting skills in there somewhere 'cause, well, duh. You gonna scream at her all day, she's just going to try and spite you. Probably get that nice new uniform wet and you know how Irene feels about doing your drycleaning."
A second set of footsteps was following his. "Took you a while," he grunted, not even pausing to glance behind. "Can you quiet the kid? She's alerting the predators."
"'Gee whiz, Wade, how nice of you to show up while I'm on the run from the entire freaking mutant population of the globe, thanks!' No prob, Nate, it's all in a day's work, catering to your messiah issues, who wouldn't want to be part of a web of deception used to hide the icky manipulative truth from the world?"
"If you're not going to say anything nice--" Cable hopped over a tree, using one hand for the boost, and landed back in the water, "Just make sure you have my back."
"Are you even listening to me? 'Cause, really, I could be on my couch right now watching the Maude marathon. Sure, I've seen it like a million times but you never really get tired of those grooves--"
"Bad guys up ahead."
Cable came to a stop, clinging to the child. He was ready for battle-- if only the kid would shut up already.
"This is my surprised face!" Deadpool shot forwards, pulling his gun out. "Oh, you so totally owe me a blowjob. Worse if this ends in me getting gutted by Wolverine again in front of all of those cute indistinguishable New X-Men..."
"Just take the kid," Cable muttered.
"Is that a yes? I'm gonna demand hazard topping!"
Some days, it just never ended.